本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛(1) “Forgive and forget” - try to do everyone’s best to (learn to) work out issues towards stick-together direction with respect/acceptance/compromise/improvement/human’s love until all means are exhausted, and also there is no possibility to stay together at all. Once a marriage breaks, it is very difficult to put back together again. Make sure you will not regret in future. Any decision of separation/divorce (especially with children involved) has to have a thorough process of internal thinking/soul searching and outside consultations/therapy to pass through in order to reach that decision.
(2) Negotiate/compromise/reconcile/resolve issues, by parties involved, is always the best option. Lawsuit (legal action) is always the last option.
(3) The nature of legal profession is a "business" of fee-for-service + ethics factor (a variable - different from one lawyer to the other and changes in time, even within the same lawyer). The relationship between your lawyer and you is of business-relationship. A lawyer’s duty is to provide legal (not moral) opinions. Be aware that you are lack of legal knowledge and experience, therefore you are always vulnerable - this is a "difficult" part for you to realize/accept until you face the situation(s).
(4) A good lawyer possesses competence and ethics (good skill & good heart). Make sure you find one! It will not be easy!
(5) You must learn to “manage” your legal case by (1) understand the process and "details." (2) utilize your lawyer’s legal knowledge/experience. (3) ask questions and get his competent advices. You are 100% entitled of getting his best legal advices because you are paying. (4) scrutinize your lawyer. (5) make “your own” decision/judgement. (6) be discerned and learn thru the process. (7) take initiative and follow closely your case. (8) be proactive/not passive - “you are the only one who can protect yourself.”
(6) Do not under-estimate stress/anxiety/emotion/uncertainty/betrayal/aggravation/exhaustion, caused by the process. The legal process is (very) stressful and can drag over a long period. There is no winner except … (other than you/spouse/children). There will be psychological aftermath even lawsuit is over (for sure - if it’s an ugly/nasty fight. Lawyer doesn’t care …). Uncertain factors (which you cannot control or you don't have experience) will dictate the complexity of your case and the degree of your mental and financial drain. You must know that you are the one (and your children if you have) who ultimately carry the consequences.
(7) Interview as many candidates (free or fee consultation) as possible and you will find it’s so difficult to find a good one – however, you can do by "trial and error." During the legal process, you may need to dismiss any lawyer if his service is un-satisfactory (do you know what exit clause is?). Change to another lawyer will cause money, if you have to - it’s a hassle and money/time consuming. “To start with a right (good) lawyer is very-very-very important.” “Someone’s success of similar lawsuit does not guarantee your success.” Don’t get into lawsuit without thorough consideration. Don't suit for "revenge!" Consult with friends/relatives/experienced elders/church leaders/other professionals and get their opinions. It is your responsibility to screen any referral’s credibility and suitability.
(8) Never make major decision too hastily. Never sign before fully understand/read; take your time/don’t be rushed/pressured into something; Once retention paper is signed and retention fee is paid, you may/will feel/find that situation is different before the signing ... “over-billing by lawyers will be a big problem.” Be assertive if your lawyer miss something or make a mistake (if you are able to notice?) and ask to correct on spot/rewrite (in a polite/assertive way) or it will become too late. Any damage/suffering due to lawyer's mistake/negligence/misjudgement (intentionally or unintentionally) will be ultimately borne by you. Once the case is closed, it’s you who will start to face the consequence – not the lawyer or anyone else. After closing of the case, virtually you do not have very much remedy to appeal/reverse the results/to overcome others’ error, even the judge’s. Legal proceedings "can be" complicated or "made" complicated, so that you are in a un-chatered water, and this is "in the interet" of legal professionals, not yours. Be aware that lawyers of both sides talk to each other behind you without your knowledge, and they can be deal-makers, not necessary for your best interest, sometimes even hurting you!
(9) Even your case seems strong, the result may surprise you. Lawyer is your representative and you are the boss (if you know how to perform as a boss); a stronger (good) lawyer "most likely" will get you better results. Prepare for the loss (or far less success than expected) of your lawsuit due to uncertain factors, even your arguments seem strong. If you can settle outside of court or thru mediation, "do it." “You want to win the war, not a battle.” (if you know what that means.) Prepare to change course anytime from lawsuit to mediation/settlement if you find it's a right direction during the proceedings.
(10) After you read all the above, you should realize that a lawsuit process is not simple at all, the result is unpredictable, the consequence is almost for sure - negative/destructive (compared to a fair settlement). It can be simple if both parties realize it’s for the best interest of both sides to settle outside of court. It’s not easy for anyone to handle lawsuit mentally/financially, apart from working one’s job and taking care of children …? After all, you are/were one family, why not try to work out your issues or reach a fair settlement before proceeding to legal action.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
(2) Negotiate/compromise/reconcile/resolve issues, by parties involved, is always the best option. Lawsuit (legal action) is always the last option.
(3) The nature of legal profession is a "business" of fee-for-service + ethics factor (a variable - different from one lawyer to the other and changes in time, even within the same lawyer). The relationship between your lawyer and you is of business-relationship. A lawyer’s duty is to provide legal (not moral) opinions. Be aware that you are lack of legal knowledge and experience, therefore you are always vulnerable - this is a "difficult" part for you to realize/accept until you face the situation(s).
(4) A good lawyer possesses competence and ethics (good skill & good heart). Make sure you find one! It will not be easy!
(5) You must learn to “manage” your legal case by (1) understand the process and "details." (2) utilize your lawyer’s legal knowledge/experience. (3) ask questions and get his competent advices. You are 100% entitled of getting his best legal advices because you are paying. (4) scrutinize your lawyer. (5) make “your own” decision/judgement. (6) be discerned and learn thru the process. (7) take initiative and follow closely your case. (8) be proactive/not passive - “you are the only one who can protect yourself.”
(6) Do not under-estimate stress/anxiety/emotion/uncertainty/betrayal/aggravation/exhaustion, caused by the process. The legal process is (very) stressful and can drag over a long period. There is no winner except … (other than you/spouse/children). There will be psychological aftermath even lawsuit is over (for sure - if it’s an ugly/nasty fight. Lawyer doesn’t care …). Uncertain factors (which you cannot control or you don't have experience) will dictate the complexity of your case and the degree of your mental and financial drain. You must know that you are the one (and your children if you have) who ultimately carry the consequences.
(7) Interview as many candidates (free or fee consultation) as possible and you will find it’s so difficult to find a good one – however, you can do by "trial and error." During the legal process, you may need to dismiss any lawyer if his service is un-satisfactory (do you know what exit clause is?). Change to another lawyer will cause money, if you have to - it’s a hassle and money/time consuming. “To start with a right (good) lawyer is very-very-very important.” “Someone’s success of similar lawsuit does not guarantee your success.” Don’t get into lawsuit without thorough consideration. Don't suit for "revenge!" Consult with friends/relatives/experienced elders/church leaders/other professionals and get their opinions. It is your responsibility to screen any referral’s credibility and suitability.
(8) Never make major decision too hastily. Never sign before fully understand/read; take your time/don’t be rushed/pressured into something; Once retention paper is signed and retention fee is paid, you may/will feel/find that situation is different before the signing ... “over-billing by lawyers will be a big problem.” Be assertive if your lawyer miss something or make a mistake (if you are able to notice?) and ask to correct on spot/rewrite (in a polite/assertive way) or it will become too late. Any damage/suffering due to lawyer's mistake/negligence/misjudgement (intentionally or unintentionally) will be ultimately borne by you. Once the case is closed, it’s you who will start to face the consequence – not the lawyer or anyone else. After closing of the case, virtually you do not have very much remedy to appeal/reverse the results/to overcome others’ error, even the judge’s. Legal proceedings "can be" complicated or "made" complicated, so that you are in a un-chatered water, and this is "in the interet" of legal professionals, not yours. Be aware that lawyers of both sides talk to each other behind you without your knowledge, and they can be deal-makers, not necessary for your best interest, sometimes even hurting you!
(9) Even your case seems strong, the result may surprise you. Lawyer is your representative and you are the boss (if you know how to perform as a boss); a stronger (good) lawyer "most likely" will get you better results. Prepare for the loss (or far less success than expected) of your lawsuit due to uncertain factors, even your arguments seem strong. If you can settle outside of court or thru mediation, "do it." “You want to win the war, not a battle.” (if you know what that means.) Prepare to change course anytime from lawsuit to mediation/settlement if you find it's a right direction during the proceedings.
(10) After you read all the above, you should realize that a lawsuit process is not simple at all, the result is unpredictable, the consequence is almost for sure - negative/destructive (compared to a fair settlement). It can be simple if both parties realize it’s for the best interest of both sides to settle outside of court. It’s not easy for anyone to handle lawsuit mentally/financially, apart from working one’s job and taking care of children …? After all, you are/were one family, why not try to work out your issues or reach a fair settlement before proceeding to legal action.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net