本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛If God has a pet, and I believe that he does, it has to be a dog. Not a purebred, either.
The God I believe in owns a mutt, a big, slobbering thing with the heart of a lion and the brain of a marble.
As you might expect, the subject of God having a dog is a sensitive one with most people. Not only do most people refuse to believe that God has a pet, but that if he does, no way would it be a dog.
The few people I've met who conceded the God/pet issue have invariably argued for a more noble pet type: elephant, tiger, whale, T-Rex and, in one bizarre case, a mongoose. These people were all idiots.
Over the years, I have argued this deep theological issue with pastors, bishops, reverends, priests and at least one rabbi. None of them was ever able to convince me of the truthfulness of their faith because none of them ever conceded that God would have a dog. One came close.
"All of God's creations are in effect his pets," said a minister who almost had me. "So I suppose it could be reasonably argued that God has a dog for a pet. Yes, I'm sure of it."
"OK, then, what's the dog's name?"
"Well, I don't really see ...."
"Liar!"
A dog is the sort of pet God would have. You don't need to look it up in the Bible. Just think about it for a minute. Dogs love unconditionally. Dogs are loyal. Dogs are brave.
You see dogs in Reader's Digest all the time rescuing people. Dogs have the spirit of truth in them, in part because they aren't smart enough to know how to lie.
By the way, God's dog is named Vern.
This is not your typical religious subject, I know. It's an important one to me because I had to put my dog to sleep last week. Pig collapsed with heat exhaustion during a hike in the mountains and suffered irreparable kidney damage.
The only thing that has sustained me during the past few days is the belief that when I die, Pig will be there waiting for me. She may be bathed in celestial glory but she'll still be my unlicensed, gopher-digging, rug-gnawing best friend.
I'm a Mormon but my wants are simple. God can keep the celestial mansion, eternal glory and everything else. Pig was family. If families really are forever, then I want her back.
Actually, I want all of my former dogs back. Pig, Lennon, Beau, John Wayne, Baron and Lurch. If I'm good, God will give them back to me because, frankly, heaven would be pretty pointless without them.
Wait. I probably won't get Beau back. Not unless I go to hell. I'm pretty sure that's where he is. Beau was not a good dog. I'm not talking about the time he tore the pants off a terrified Jehovah's Witness, either. Beau's moral turpitude involved cats. He liked them. He hung out with them.
It doesn't take the pope or a prophet to point out the fact that cats are deceitful and nasty.
They are stiff-necked and arrogant, puffed up in their pride. Cats are cruel, evil things utterly incapable of loyalty and honor. Ever see a cat rescue someone from drowning? Nope.
And that's why you won't ever see a cat in heaven.
The devil has a cat for a pet.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
The God I believe in owns a mutt, a big, slobbering thing with the heart of a lion and the brain of a marble.
As you might expect, the subject of God having a dog is a sensitive one with most people. Not only do most people refuse to believe that God has a pet, but that if he does, no way would it be a dog.
The few people I've met who conceded the God/pet issue have invariably argued for a more noble pet type: elephant, tiger, whale, T-Rex and, in one bizarre case, a mongoose. These people were all idiots.
Over the years, I have argued this deep theological issue with pastors, bishops, reverends, priests and at least one rabbi. None of them was ever able to convince me of the truthfulness of their faith because none of them ever conceded that God would have a dog. One came close.
"All of God's creations are in effect his pets," said a minister who almost had me. "So I suppose it could be reasonably argued that God has a dog for a pet. Yes, I'm sure of it."
"OK, then, what's the dog's name?"
"Well, I don't really see ...."
"Liar!"
A dog is the sort of pet God would have. You don't need to look it up in the Bible. Just think about it for a minute. Dogs love unconditionally. Dogs are loyal. Dogs are brave.
You see dogs in Reader's Digest all the time rescuing people. Dogs have the spirit of truth in them, in part because they aren't smart enough to know how to lie.
By the way, God's dog is named Vern.
This is not your typical religious subject, I know. It's an important one to me because I had to put my dog to sleep last week. Pig collapsed with heat exhaustion during a hike in the mountains and suffered irreparable kidney damage.
The only thing that has sustained me during the past few days is the belief that when I die, Pig will be there waiting for me. She may be bathed in celestial glory but she'll still be my unlicensed, gopher-digging, rug-gnawing best friend.
I'm a Mormon but my wants are simple. God can keep the celestial mansion, eternal glory and everything else. Pig was family. If families really are forever, then I want her back.
Actually, I want all of my former dogs back. Pig, Lennon, Beau, John Wayne, Baron and Lurch. If I'm good, God will give them back to me because, frankly, heaven would be pretty pointless without them.
Wait. I probably won't get Beau back. Not unless I go to hell. I'm pretty sure that's where he is. Beau was not a good dog. I'm not talking about the time he tore the pants off a terrified Jehovah's Witness, either. Beau's moral turpitude involved cats. He liked them. He hung out with them.
It doesn't take the pope or a prophet to point out the fact that cats are deceitful and nasty.
They are stiff-necked and arrogant, puffed up in their pride. Cats are cruel, evil things utterly incapable of loyalty and honor. Ever see a cat rescue someone from drowning? Nope.
And that's why you won't ever see a cat in heaven.
The devil has a cat for a pet.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
