本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛(其实这篇和爱情不是很相关，说不相关，还有点相关)
I was looking for happiness for as long as I could remember. But the most intense search started three years ago, at that time I went back to school after working for ten years. It was a wonderful and most fruitful two years. I had all the time I needed to read, think, reflect and interact with some bright people. But that was just the beginning of a lifelong search and self-actualization.
I had lots of dreams but they remained dreams until I started to realize them. Two people have transformed me from a dreamer to a doer.
Whenever I was asked about my hobby or dream, I would say I loved traveling; but the funny thing was I didn’t go anywhere. In 1998, I had a chat with a friend; he mentioned he had been to Tibet and that was a great experience. I looked up at him and said, “Wow, that is really cool. I wish I could go there.” “Why not?” he said, “If you want, I’ll be happy to go back again.” I was very excited with the fact that the dream and reality were so close. We laid out a budget and plan and took off a week later. In terms of preparation and planning, that trip turned out to be life threatening and nearly a total disaster. And yet what it brought to me was so profound and mysterious that I am still digesting.
When we first met, Ray asked me what I liked. I told him I loved traveling. “So where do you like to go?” I was a little startled by the specific question and said, “En…travel around the world”. “Well, the world is pretty big, so where would you like to go NOW?” I had no idea. I often thought about my dreams, but when I was pressed to answer, I realized my dreams didn’t have any substance. They were dreams, only in the night but never a reality during the day. “Europe” I replied, that was the first place that came to my mind. “Sounds good. Let’s do it.” So we went to Europe for 20 days.
I learned dreams were to be realized not just to be talked about. Yes, I understand there is a gap between dreams and reality; it takes effort and time, even courage to bridge that gap. While one needs to be realistic, remember that anything is possible.
Somebody told me I should “get real” with my life. I looked around and thought, “Which part of my life isn’t real?” Just because I like to watch the ocean and waves and took the year off doing that, does it mean I’m not real about my life? To me, it cannot be more real than doing what you want and enjoy doing. Sometimes, my mother would say the same thing, “Get a real life, you cannot be on vacation all the time. Find a job, buy a house and have a couple of kids, just like everybody else.” I would ask her, “Why do it the same way as everybody else? Life IS a long vacation and adventure. Are the people you are describing happier than me? Are you happier than me? No, having a 25-year mortgage is not what I want. I am happy to live in a one-bedroom apartment with a view, unlimited heat and nice furniture. What I want to do is to see the world and I am doing that.”
To me real life is an integration of dreams and reality, leisure and work, present and future, work life and retirement, heart and mind, love and family life. In a word, real life is an alignment between life and destiny. Any split between them creates unhappiness and lacks of fulfillment. You cannot have a dream and at the same time make decisions that take you in the opposite direction. Life is very real, because it has an end.
Hopefully the day when we are lying on our deathbed, we can say to ourselves, “Yes, I have done everything I wanted to do in my life and have no regrets that I spent an entire life doing what other people told or expected me to do.”
Before it is too late, let’s get real.
Thanks for reading
January 3, 2004 Hawaii更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
I was looking for happiness for as long as I could remember. But the most intense search started three years ago, at that time I went back to school after working for ten years. It was a wonderful and most fruitful two years. I had all the time I needed to read, think, reflect and interact with some bright people. But that was just the beginning of a lifelong search and self-actualization.
I had lots of dreams but they remained dreams until I started to realize them. Two people have transformed me from a dreamer to a doer.
Whenever I was asked about my hobby or dream, I would say I loved traveling; but the funny thing was I didn’t go anywhere. In 1998, I had a chat with a friend; he mentioned he had been to Tibet and that was a great experience. I looked up at him and said, “Wow, that is really cool. I wish I could go there.” “Why not?” he said, “If you want, I’ll be happy to go back again.” I was very excited with the fact that the dream and reality were so close. We laid out a budget and plan and took off a week later. In terms of preparation and planning, that trip turned out to be life threatening and nearly a total disaster. And yet what it brought to me was so profound and mysterious that I am still digesting.
When we first met, Ray asked me what I liked. I told him I loved traveling. “So where do you like to go?” I was a little startled by the specific question and said, “En…travel around the world”. “Well, the world is pretty big, so where would you like to go NOW?” I had no idea. I often thought about my dreams, but when I was pressed to answer, I realized my dreams didn’t have any substance. They were dreams, only in the night but never a reality during the day. “Europe” I replied, that was the first place that came to my mind. “Sounds good. Let’s do it.” So we went to Europe for 20 days.
I learned dreams were to be realized not just to be talked about. Yes, I understand there is a gap between dreams and reality; it takes effort and time, even courage to bridge that gap. While one needs to be realistic, remember that anything is possible.
Somebody told me I should “get real” with my life. I looked around and thought, “Which part of my life isn’t real?” Just because I like to watch the ocean and waves and took the year off doing that, does it mean I’m not real about my life? To me, it cannot be more real than doing what you want and enjoy doing. Sometimes, my mother would say the same thing, “Get a real life, you cannot be on vacation all the time. Find a job, buy a house and have a couple of kids, just like everybody else.” I would ask her, “Why do it the same way as everybody else? Life IS a long vacation and adventure. Are the people you are describing happier than me? Are you happier than me? No, having a 25-year mortgage is not what I want. I am happy to live in a one-bedroom apartment with a view, unlimited heat and nice furniture. What I want to do is to see the world and I am doing that.”
To me real life is an integration of dreams and reality, leisure and work, present and future, work life and retirement, heart and mind, love and family life. In a word, real life is an alignment between life and destiny. Any split between them creates unhappiness and lacks of fulfillment. You cannot have a dream and at the same time make decisions that take you in the opposite direction. Life is very real, because it has an end.
Hopefully the day when we are lying on our deathbed, we can say to ourselves, “Yes, I have done everything I wanted to do in my life and have no regrets that I spent an entire life doing what other people told or expected me to do.”
Before it is too late, let’s get real.
Thanks for reading
January 3, 2004 Hawaii更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net